Child’s Ability to Adjust After Divorce Often Relies on Parents

 Posted on June 20, 2016 in Family Law

Divorce can be messy, full of anger and resentment, and emotionally trying on all involved. But children are especially prone to feeling like they are “caught in the middle.” This can lead to difficulties in emotional adjustment that may lead to a battery of issues, including depression, anxiety, behavioral problems, and difficulties at school. According to experts, parents may be able to prevent such maladjustments through attentive, supportive, and compassionate parenting.

The Need to Compete

Couples going through divorce experience a lot of emotions: grief, feelings of betrayal, anger, frustration. Those feelings, which are sometimes paired with a desire to “win” the divorce, can lead to feeling as though you have to compete for your child’s love or affection, that by expressing love or affection for the other parent, they are somehow discounting you. But nothing could be further from the truth. Your child loves both you and your soon-to-be ex-spouse, which means their affection for one does not diminish their love for the other. So, when you feel the need to compete, remember that no one wins in the end: not you, not your ex, and certainly not your child.

But how, exactly, do you banish those feelings enough to give your child room to freely speak and express themselves? How do you ensure you foster a healthy environment for your child, one where they feel they can talk about their other parent without offending you? The trick, experts say, is to be a good listener, and to learn how to best avoid conflict with your ex.

Co-Parenting versus Parallel Parenting

For some couples, co-parenting (working together to parent your child) simply leads to more arguing. It may be related to your child, or it could be completely independent of your child, but for one reason or another, conflict is simply unavoidable, and that hinders your ability to successfully co-parent. In these situations, a method known as parallel parenting may be more beneficial.

An arrangement in which parents co-parent by means of disengaging from one another, parents who use this method intentionally limit their contact. They avoid conversations and contact in which they have been unable to effectively communicate in the past and, when necessary, bring professionals in to help with communication sessions that pertain directly to their child.

Need Help Developing a Parenting Plan That Works for Your Family?

At Mevorah & Giglio Law Offices, we understand your desire to ensure your child’s emotional and psychological well-being. And, because we realize that each family is different, we work directly with our clients to help them craft and negotiate a parenting plan that is best suited to their child’s needs. Choose an award-winning DuPage County family law attorney with your child’s best interest in mind. Call us at 630-932-9100 and schedule your free initial consultation today.