Talking to Children about Divorce

 Posted on May 11, 2015 in Family Law

If you have recently made the decision to end your marriage, your child has undoubtedly picked up on the feelings of tension and imminent change between you and your spouse. If you are currently going through the divorce process or even if you have been divorced for years, your child might still have questions about the process and what the divorce meant for your family. This is where it is crucial for you to maintain open lines of communication with your child and answer him or her in a truthful, yet age-appropriate way – by lying to your child or otherwise attempting to distort or withhold the truth, you are only alienating him or her and setting the example that he or she cannot come to you with serious questions.

Getting the conversation about your divorce started with your child can be very difficult. You might not know where to begin or what is appropriate to share with him or her. When the time comes to start having this series of discussions with your child, keep the following in mind:

Be Transparent About the Process and Changes that Will Occur

If you know you will be moving out and your former spouse will keep the family home, tell your child this. Older children and adolescents will need more detailed explanations and possibly greater reassurance that although you might not see each other every day, your relationship will not change.

Talk to Your Children Together

If possible, have any “big” conversations about your divorce with your spouse. Do not blame each other or allow your feelings to color these interactions – these discussions are for and about your child, not you. Allow your spouse to respond fully to any questions directed at him or her, and take the time to do the same for questions asked of you.

Discuss and Model Appropriate Means of Expression

It is okay to laugh. It is okay to cry. A divorce brings a swirling storm of emotions, some of which might seem illogical. Impress upon your child that although he or she might feel angry or sad, it is never acceptable to physically lash out against others or use foul or abusive language. Talk about appropriate ways of expressing emotions, such as drawing a picture or writing about your feelings in a journal. Do not allow your child to see you behaving cruelly to your former spouse, his or her new partner, or any other parties. Your child looks up to you and when you model appropriate behavior, he or she will follow.

Divorce Attorneys in DuPage County

If you are considering filing for divorce or have already done so and need expert legal advice and representation, contact Mevorah & Giglio Law Offices to begin working with one of the dedicated DuPage County divorce attorneys at our firm. We understand that divorce is a sensitive subject that affects every member of your family. Let us guide you through your divorce and make it less stressful for you and your child.