The Impact of Divorce On Your Sense of Self

 Posted on July 28, 2013 in Family Law

Going through a divorce is incredibly traumatic, especially if you have children. Trying to find your identity in the midst of chaos can be overwhelming, especially as you attempt to piece your life back together. For couples sharing custody, having to see or interact with the former spouse can make it even more difficult for parents to feel comfortable with their inner selves. If the divorce has been especially drawn out in court, disputing parties may feel as though their identity is strongly connected to their legal representation of him or herself as a parent. Going through an identity crisis as a newly divorced person is more common than many people think.

Divorce has long been connected to medical issues like depression and anxiety. Even in the best case scenario, individuals that are used to being part of a couple have to redefine themselves from "we" to "me". Finding what to do with that new free time, and exploring activities outside your comfort zone, can be challenging for those going through a divorce.

A 2010 study from Northwestern University backs up the identity questioning that can follow divorce. Northwestern students completed questionnaires about their lives after a breakup, with subjects like appearance changes, future plans, or changes in social circle. Other students were asked about their perceived changes in the event of a breakup. The research also analyzed blogs and writing by individuals in the midst of a breakup. The final results found that those who have just exited a relationship or marriage are much less clear about who they are as people.

Healing is an incredibly important part of the divorce process. Taking time to heal through therapy or with old friends is one way that some people choose to move through a divorce, although some people are more comfortable working through their issues on their own and determining a new sense of self. If you're considering a divorce, talk to an Illinois divorce attorney about your options.